Entered on 30 June 2004 at 10:17 a.m..

Why don't you call?

A european friend of mine asked me this question this morning:

I have a question for you. I have realized that among all my friends, the ones that never call are the American ones. I do not want to hurt you but even you never call to get some news or do something. I am always the one who call. Can you tell me why?

This is a very good question. It got me to thinking...so I'll post my reply here.

You pose a very good question, which is complicated to answer, so I will give you the answer in several pieces:

1) I am often a shy person, and do not feel comfortable calling people on the phone. I don't know why this is, it doesn't make much rational sense because I am normally so loud in person.

2) I am just not used to having to friends whom I don't see personally. This comes from always going to school. All my friends were always people that I either saw on a daily basis (or some other time interval) As a child, I just accepted that I would see that friend again when I saw them. I guess I haven't managed to shed this habit as an adult.

3) I am fairly busy, so it is often weeks before I think, "I haven't heard from/seen XXX lately." I guess I'm a little too complacent.

4) I am fairly lazy. So even when I do think, I'd like to do something, I often don't actually want to do anything badly enough to actually take action.

As for Americans not calling you I have two thoughts:

1 - most americans I know are email adicts and prefer to use that method to keep in touch

2 - I have a really hard time understanding you on the phone, and maybe other people do too. Thus I prefer to email you, because it is easier for me to understand what you are saying.

This kind of goes along the same lines that Jen O said the other day when on of her friends moved out of the dorm. There is something intrinsically easy about living and working near your friends. Maybe that is why I'm having such a hard time making friends now that I'm back. The only settings that I've ever met friends in is work, class, or dorm. Now that I'm not living in a dorm, I need to make more of an effort to do things outside of working hours.

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